NEWS FROM MONGOL CENTRAL NEWS AGENCY OF GDH (The Great Dark Horde)
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Knit-Hat Propaganda Spread By Splittist Penguinists
Horde Hill, November 10 (MCNA) -- The Mongolian Hamsters of Doom (MHoD) announced officially today that all rumors of a MHoD mind control device and subsequent 'secret knit hat experiments' are false. Furthermore, they announced they possessed evidence that these evil lies were being spread by none other than the Agency of Evil Penguins, or the so called "Birds in Black".
Cavia Porcellus, High Chancellor of Scientific Research for the MHoD stated in an earlier press conference "The hats being displayed in the clearly doctored photos being circulated on the internet, are nothing more than falsified images created only to spread panic. Residents are advised to ignore all further propaganda of this sort and to denounce it as the cruel hoax it is."
The MHoD also wished to remind people that they are a benevolent collection of rodents, and would never overtly do anything not in the best interest of the
public at large. Simply put, the MHoD are your friends.
Acceleration of anti-imperialist-Kingdomer construction called for
Horde Hill, April 2 (MCNA) -- A powerful nation is certain to be built as the last instructions of KaKhan Yang clearly indicate the path to be followed by us and leader Chimbai is wisely guiding the fighters and the people. Radio Free Mongolia today says this in an editorial. It goes on:
The behest left by the KaKhan for the fighters and the anda carries his deep trust and expectation that they would remain loyal to the Horde to the last true to their pledge and the earnest words that they should accomplish the Mongol cause without fail, upholding the leadership of peaceful pastoral nomadism.
More thoroughly fulfilling his behest is the most sacred and honorable struggle to give a steady continuity to his history century after century and a worthwhile struggle to build a powerful Great Dark Horde on this land and thus successfully realize his desire and plan in his lifetime.
KaKhan Chimbai is energetically leading the fighters and the people under the uplifted slogan of the building of a powerful nation so as to realize the Dark Horde's desire and plan on this land as soon as possible.
He is the supreme incarnation of the sense of moral obligation as he set a practical example teaching the true nomads how to hold their leader of anti-imperialist Kingdomer in high esteem.
The editorial calls upon the whole Horde and fighters and all the people to give full play to the might of the singlehearted unity, the mainstay for the anti-Kingdomer revolution and an instrument for certain victory, and bring about a new surge in the building of a nomadically powerful nation, united closer around him, true to Yang's behest.
Mongolian Cultural Exchange Centre established in West
Mists, September 7 (MCNA) -- The Mongolian Center for Cultural Exchange was established in the Principality of the Mists on the occasion of the 30th anniversary of the GDH. The center will hold GDH book, photo and handicraft exhibitions, film and music shows, lecture session, seminar, etc. to introduce the wise leadership of Chimbai Khan and the peace-loving Mongolian people's struggle to build a powerful nation and achieve the independent and peaceful co-existence of the Greater Co-Prosperity Sphere of the country among the West people.
Victorious Chimbai Khan attends honors banquet for Radio Free Mongolia
Ulan Bator, September 6 (MCNA) -- Chimbai Khan, ever-victorious KhaKhan of the Great Dark Horde, attended a State banquet today in honor of the steadfastly workers of Radio Free Mongolia, the Voice of the Horde.
Many cadre were present, including the famed "Mongolia Rose," who spoke at length.
"Mongolia Rose" said in her speech:
"A most important task before humankind at present is to check and frustrate the imperialists' moves for aggression and war and defend global peace and security," said "Mongolia Rose". Noting that "it is a crucial issue related to the destiny of humankind at present to defend the SCA-wide peace and security," she continued, cutely:
"The old forces, which go against the trend of independence challenging people's desire for peace, are invariably working hard to dominate the SCA by force."
"The present situation calls for conducting a vigorous struggle to frustrate the imperialists' reckless moves for aggression and war and defend lasting peace and security."
"Only when progressive humankind wages a vigorous struggle for peace is it possible to frustrate the imperialists' moves, ensure lasting SCA-wide peace and security and advance popular masses' cause of independence."
"If all-kingdom peace and security are to be protected all the kingdoms and nations should dynamically wage a joint interKingdom struggle to maintain independence and check the imperialists' moves for aggression and war."
The Radio Free Mongolia cadre has thoroughly applied the guiding principles of the Horde idea in the revolution and construction and thus demonstrated ever-victorious might in building and defending anthropocentric medievalism and displaying its dignity and honor.
Chimbai Khan and Abd al Bakhir see mass gymnastic display and artistic performance
Ulan Bator, September 5 (DHNS) -- Chimbai, Great KhaKhan of the Great Dark Horde and Chairman of the Special Defence Commission of the GDH, together with Abd al Bakhir, General Secretary of the Central Committee of the Free Republic of the Middle and President of the Free Republic of the Middle, on September 4 appreciated the mass gymnastic display and artistic performance "Ever-victorious Mongol Freedom fighters", Ghengis Khan Prize laureate, given by over 100,000 school youth and children and artistes at the May Day Stadium. Chimbai Khan, in company with Abd al Bakhir, appeared on the tribune of honour amid the playing of the welcome music.
The moment, stormy cheers "hurrah" shook the heaven and the earth and firework was displayed.
The letters reading "Warm welcome to comrade Abd al Bakhir" appeared on the background and the ground of the stadium was astir with participants presenting graceful dances representing the GDH-FRM friendship and waving flowers.
The mass gymnastic display and artistic performance made a truthful epic representation of the proud fighting feats of the GDH and the unshakable will of the Mongol people to staunchly fight to build a powerful and prosperous free nation in high spirits, following the Yasa.
It was acclaimed by the spectators for its rich ideological content and high artistry.
When the mass gymnastic display and artistic performance came to an end, cheers "hurrah" burst forth and firework was displayed again.
Chimbai Khan denies nuclear slander
Ulan Bator, September 5 (DHNS) -- In a speech today before the assembled masses of the Tribal Assemblies, Chimbai, Great KhaKhan of the Great Dark Horde and Chairman of the Commission for Re-Organization of the Tuman of the GDH categorically denied that the Dark Horde was a "nuclear power."
"The peace-loving pastoral nomads of the Great Dark Horde only want peace," he strenuously stated, "and these irresponsible statements about the large black object hidden in the Khan's ger at Pennsic are nonsense. Such criminal acts only serve to show up the two faces of the Kingdomers and their running lapdogs."
Statements of solidarity with the revolutionary movements in various Kingdoms was also read.
Chimbai Khan and the Crowned Heads of [Kingdom Deleted] sign perpetual treaty
Ulan Bator, September 1 (DHNS) -- Chimbai, Great KhaKhan of the Great Dark Horde today announced a "Perpetual Treaty of Friendship ond Co-Operation" between the Great Dark Horde and [Kingdom Deleted].
Sections of the Treaty were read aloud in dramatic choral readings by the Bard's Guild of [Kingdom Deleted] and the steadfast fight against the war-mongering rattan merchants was dramatically denounced.
Chimbai Khan and the SPB
Pennsic War 30 (DHNS) -- Chimbai, Great KhaKhan of the Great Dark Horde revealed that the Great Dark Horde, in co-operation with the victorious striving of the Society for the Preservation of the Brontosaurus, has succeeded in cloning a true Brontosaur and is displaying it on Horde Hill, in keeping of the experienced Brontosaur keeper Cherie Ruadh.
The wonderful beast will be freedom to roam about Cooper's Lake at will, as monument to the victorious people of the Great Dark Horde.
Ulan Bator, 1 August (DHNS) -- If you receive an email entitled "HappyHorde", delete it immediately. Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play. It will program your phone auto dial to call only 900 numbers. This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink ALL your beer.
It will leave dirty underwear on the coffee table when you are expecting company. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all the while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card. It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way that is only fun until someone loses an eye. It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings which grossly change the interpretations of key sentences. If the "HappyHorde" message is opened in a Windows 95/98 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.
And if you don't send this to 5000 people in 20 seconds you'll fart so hard
that your right leg will spasm, shoot straight out in front of you, sending
sparks, that will ignite onto the person nearest you.
Papers call for demonstrating invincible might of GDH
Uhlan-Bator, October 10 (MNA) -- The Gobi Globe today runs an editorial captioned "Let us demonstrate the might of the Horde in the revolutionary advance in the new century" and an editorial titled "Let us dynamically speed up the socialist march of the red and black flag under the leadership of the great Chimbai" on the occasion of the 30th anniversary of the Great Dark Horde. The Gobi Globe says:
KaKhan Yang founded the Horde of non-Kingdomer type, the first of its kind in the history of a working class Horde building, 30 years ago. This is the most brilliant one of the immortal exploits performed by him.
The GDH has adorned the arduous years of the revolution in the 20th century with proud victories holding KaKhan Yang and leader Chimbai in high esteem. It is confidently steering the 21st century with its invincible might.
The Horde enjoys high dignity and authority as a Horde leading the new century. It is entirely attributable to the fact that it has Chimbai at its head.
The Horde is a dignified Horde whose members are armed with the idea of revolution.
The revolutionary idea is a successor to the revolutionary idea of Yang and a perfect idea making it possible to achieve the independence of the popular masses regardless of race, creed or century-of-origin.
Prevailing throughout the Horde today is his revolutionary idea.
The GDH is a Horde around which the revolutionaries of non-Kingdomer type, who absolutely follow his idea and are fully armed with it, are single-heartedly united. It is a Horde which holds fast to his idea as its lifeline and struggles going through thick and thin to put it into practice.
The GDH is an invincible Horde that thoroughly applies his politics in all fields of the revolution and construction, the editorial notes, and goes on:
Our Horde is praised as a great Horde leading the revolutionary advance in the 21st century to victory for it's people's politics, in particular.
The people's political mode of the GDH perfected and tested under the seasoned leadership of Chimbai will remain unchanged no matter how the situation may change.
The GDH is a dynamic Horde that does everything in a fresh and innovative manner as required by the new century.
The GDH today has a bright future as it has features as a Horde leading the revolutionary struggle in the new century.
The GDH confidently steering the non-Kingdomer-oriented revolution inspires all the people to win new victory.
It is the general task and consistent line of our Horde building to hold KaKhan Yang in high esteem for all ages and to strengthen the GDH as an eternal Horde of Yang.
The editorial calls for holding Chimbai in high esteem with intense loyalty, glorifying the immortal feats performed by him in the Horde building generation after generation and wholeheartedly upholding his people-first politics.
It also underscores the need to dynamically accelerate the revolutionary construction under the Horde's leadership and thus build up powerful potential commensurate with the 21st century, the new era of the people's revolution.
The Gobi Globe calls upon all the working people to vigorously accelerate the revolutionary advance of the black and red flag under the leadership of the GDH rallied close around Chimbai and thus build a powerful Mongol nation at an early date and successfully accomplish the revolutionary cause of the GDH.
Victorious Chimbai Khan attends Liberation Conference
Ulan Bator, October 18 (MNS) -- [Kingdom deleted] figures said that as the [deleted] Liberation Front, which inherited the tradition of the "Down-With-Imperialism Union" (DIU), has built free thought, guided by the GDH idea founded by Chairman Yang. The cause of free thought is advancing along the road of victory without any vicissitude. They said this at a meeting held on Oct. 18 under the sponsorship of the MidRealm Committee of the Union of Great Households to mark the anniversary of leader Chimbai's election as KaKhan of the GDH, the 30th anniversary of the GDH and the 75th anniversary of the OMJK.
[name deleted], first secretary of the MidRealm Committee of the Union of Great Households , and [name deleted], secretary of the central committee of the [deleted] Liberation Front, made speeches at the meeting.
They said that the GDH idea helps accomplish the cause of free thought against flunkeyism and dogmatism and that it is urgent for the SCA to learn the GDH idea which helps maintain an independent stand.
They sincerely hoped that the SCAdian people would defend free thought to the last and achieve it at any cost under the leadership of the GDH with Chimbai as its head.
Chimbai Khan under consideration to play Dumbeldore
Ulan Bator, January 1 (MNS) -- The peaceful pastoral nomads of the Great Dark Horde announced today that the dynamic leader, Chimbai Khan, is under consideration to play the part of beloved Professor Dumbeldore in the upcoming Harry Potter movies.
Ever striving to advance the cause of revolutionary non-Kingdomer invincibility, the Great Dark Horde is gratified to witness such a cultural advance.
Chimbai Khan calls for shoes
Ulan Bator, March 21 (MNS) -- In a stirring address to the masses, the ever-victorious leader Chimbai Khan called for a vigorous revolutionary struggle for the new program.
After hearing the enthralling three-hour long speech, the peace-loving pastoral nomads of the ever-victorious Great Dark Horde paraded past the balcony of Chimbai Khan's ger performing massed drill and shouting the revolutionary slogan "Shoes For Industry!"
Chimbai Khan announces new tactical advantage
Ulan Bator, April 2 (MNS) -- The Great Leader of the ever-victorious Great Dark Horde, Chimbai Khan, demonstrated the new helm visor being deployed to the units of the Mongolian people today.
The "knight-vision goggles" will enable the anti-Kingdomer freedom fighters to spot belted fighters from even further away and rain down arrows in a "shock and awe" barrage.
At the conclusion of the demonstration of this example of Mongol technology, an ebullient Chimbai Khan waved to the crown assembled, who shouted "Hurrah!"
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